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What’s Performance Appraisal, Really?
Courtesy Jobnet Magazine
A keen analyst:
Thoroughly confused.
Accepts new job assignments willingly:
Never finishes a job.
Active socially:
Drinks heavily.
Alert to company developments:
An office gossip.
Approaches difficult problems with logic:
Finds someone else to do the job.
Average:
Not too bright.
Bridge builder:
Likes to compromise.
Character above reproach:
Still one step ahead of the law.
Charismatic:
No interest in any opinion but his own.
Competent:
Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
Conscientious and careful:
Scared.
Consults with co-workers often:
Indecisive, confused, and clueless.
Consults with supervisor often:
Very annoying.
Delegates responsibility effectively:
Passes the buck well.
Demonstrates qualities of leadership:
Has a loud voice.
Displays excellent intuitive judgment:
Knows when to disappear.
Displays great dexterity and agility:
Dodges and evades superiors well.
Enjoys job:
Needs more to do.
Excels in sustaining concentration but avoids confrontations:
Ignores everyone.
Excels in the effective application of skills:
Makes a good cup of coffee.
Exceptionally well qualified:
Has committed no major blunders to date.
Expresses self well:
Can string two sentences together.
Gets along extremely well with superiors and subordinates alike:
A coward.
Happy:
Paid too much.
Hard worker:
Usually does it the hard way.
Identifies major management problems:
Complains a lot.
Indifferent to instruction:
Knows more than superiors.
Internationally know:
Likes to go to conferences and trade shows in Las Vegas.
Is well informed:
Knows all office gossip and where all the skeletons are kept.
Inspires the cooperation of others:
Gets everyone else to do the work.
Is unusually loyal:
Wanted by no-one else.
Judgment is usually sound:
Lucky.
Keen sense of humor:
Knows lots of dirty jokes.
Keeps informed on business issues:
Subscribes to Playboy and National Enquirer.
Listens well:
Has no ideas of his own.
Maintains a high degree of participation:
Comes to work on time.
Maintains professional attitude:
A snob.
Meticulous in attention to detail:
A nitpicker.
Mover and shaker:
Favors steamroller tactics without regard for other opinions.
Not a desk person:
Did not go to college.
Of great value to the organization:
Turns in work on time.
Use all available resources:
Takes office supplies home for personal use.
Quick thinking:
Offers plausible excuses for errors.
Requires work-value attitudinal readjustment:
Lazy and hard-headed.
Should go far:
Please.
Slightly below average:
Stupid.
Spends extra hours on the job:
Miserable home life.
Stern disciplinarian:
A real jerk.
Straightforward:
Blunt and insensitive.
Strong adherence to principles:
Stubborn.
Tactful in dealing with superiors:
Knows when to keep mouth shut.
Takes advantage of every opportunity to progress:
Buys drinks for superiors.
Takes pride in work:
Conceited.
Unlimited potential:
Will stick with us until retirement.
Uses resources well:
Delegates everything.
Uses time effectively:
Clock watcher.
Very creative:
Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.
Visionary:
Cannot handle paperwork or any project that lasts less than a week.
Well organized:
Does too much busywork.
Will go far:
Relative of management.
Willing to take calculated risks:
Doesn’t mind spending someone else’s money.
Zealous attitude:
Opinionated.
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