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A Quick Stress Reduction Menu – Take Your Pick!

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A Quick Stress Reduction Menu – Take Your Pick!

Pramod Batra

1. Make yourself happy first. Selfish? Maybe so! But then if you want to reduce your stress, this is a very simple way. Maybe I don’t like someone, and meeting him or her makes me unhappy–so why should I do it? I look at it this way: God has put me on this earth after 84,00,000 lives to be happy, so I don’t want to disappoint myself or Him and, therefore, wherever I am not going to be happy–in a particular place or with a certain person–I say no, wherever I can do so safely keeping my longterm interests in mind. This way, when I go to meet Him maybe He will send me back to this earth again to be still more happy!'

2. Improve your self–image. Please remember, when you feel good about yourself you improve your self–image, and it is a fact that this will reduce your stress. Why? Because you can hold only one thought in your mind at a particular time. Try! If you are thinking about the beauty of the Taj Mahal, can you think of what Ramesh Said to you tauntingly at lunch? Years ago, I took the victim of a motorcycle accident to Holy Family Hospital. Unfortunately, he could not make it, but since then I have the good feeling that I did my job. Whenever I for see that stress is “gheraoing” me, I start playing such mental floppies on my mental screen.

How can you do it now? Well, why not volunteer to do some work in your neighbourhood? It will work. I can tell you from a living example. Years ago, my wife used to fret and fume about streetlights, pigs and watchmen. I encouraged her to become a block representative. On an average now she spends an hour a day, several calls per day, and has become a “Rajni” to some extent! And, she has been able to reduce her stress by 30%! She has that much less time to worry and nag me and our daughters. Believe me, if you have a strong self–image, your stress levels will be lower.

3. In stress situations, remember that you don’t need to know as much as you ask. To overcome the anxiety of meeting new people, new places, new situations… ask open-ended questions that require more than a yes or no answer. You will encourage others to talk; this way you will be able to reduce his or her stress level–anxieties, doubts and uncertainties –as well as your own. You will be better informed. Your “in case” fears will reduce and you will increase your confidence level. I actually do it.

Let us suppose there is a seminar which I have to address at 3 p.m. I reach the venue at 1 p.m., have lunch with the participants, sit through the class hearing the previous speaker and by then I am fairly well versed as to what is expected of me. Further, I use my own Kodak slide projector; I reduce my uncertainties. When the slides start coming on the screen, I am at ease in remembering the points, the stories and the humour. I do not have to fiddle with gadgets and unknown and untried equipment. In between, I keep on asking the course director for whatever minor changes he would like me to incorporate to make it a more focused programme. Result: sparks in the eyes of the participants and less anxiety for me.

Don’t ever forget the American axiom, “If you are ten minutes early, you are five minutes late!” It’s simple. Always get to an appointment, a date, a job 15 minutes early. And keep on asking. Chances are you will be making fewer stupid mistakes, and the result will be reduced stress.

4. Keep climbing. The man at the top of the mountain did not fall there! He kept on climbing, scaling more mountain peaks. As we reach one goal, we must look for a new one and keep on climbing. That is what makes life more interesting and less stressful. Those who succeed must work on and on to do so; you can’t live with last year’s scrapbook clippings. In my own case, when I give one manuscript to my friends, I start work on the next and maybe I also take it easy. I enjoy the birth of my earlier book, but I keep the mental embers glowing! That is why you will see a list of my forthcoming publications (with dates which I am not always able to keep because of the inborn human instinct to procrastinate). Well, I make it a point to reduce my stress. Therefore even if I miss the dates I don’t worry. I know that the climbing is more important. I can never be Captain Ahluwalia of Everest fame, but then I have my own “Kanchanjungas” and my Everest is always shifting. I don’t have the luxury of resting on top of one achievement; that would become stressful.

5. Shout. I learnt this from my granddaughter Gayatri, who visited us a year ago from New York to celebrate her birthday (in fact we celebrated for our own happiness; I don’t think she realized what was happening) I noticed she was happy 90% of the time and unhappy 10% of the time. Whenever she did not like someone, like her Dadi or Nani, she would “struggle” to come to Dada or Nana, not bothering that she was going to hurt Dadi or Nani. She was only interested in her own happiness, her playing and what she wanted. And whenever she did not get what she wanted she cried or shouted till she got what she wanted. 100% selfish! She was with us for a month.

I don’t fully agree with what my Gayatri does, but then it is useful to learn to “shout” whenever you don’t like something or when you like something very much.

Unfortunately, we too often experience “fry now, pay later” instead. Why? Because we don’t want to appear to be selfish, unmannered, uneducated, classless, and so on. Wouldn’t it be nice, like Gayatri, if you expressed what you wanted, not that brutally perhaps, but diplomatically? We elders stand too much on formalities and the fear of what people will say. We are so concerned not to hurt the feelings of others, that we do not try to find out what they are thinking of feeling. Maybe others also want the same things we do; maybe they are shy like us!

6. Take one thing at a time. Easier said than done, I agree! But don’t you want to reduce your stress? If so, why not start thinking, and then start self–auditing? How to remember? Simple…

When you find you are overwhelmed with too things to do–your eyes are popping out–do this. Sit down, ask for a cup of coffee, a paper and pencil. Write the things down 1 to 6 or 1to 9, even 1 to 13–whatever are your lucky numbers. Start doing one thing at a time. Put all of you into it physically and mentally. Focus… Focus… Focus… Result: you will do it faster and better. I can vouch for it. Why? Simple. The “to do” thing comes into focus. If it is a problem, it becomes sharper. You will get it done smilingly and with enjoyment. This doing one thing at a time does not mean you won’t have several things in the pipeline at once, but even the madariwala always concentrates on one ball at a time.
Of course, you can do it creatively and innovatively by “batching up” group items that can best be done as one unit. If you can enjoy doing it, why not try to kill three birds instead of two with one stone!

No one was ever hurt or killed by overwork done scientifically, i.e. by logically organizing tasks into branches, sub–branches and leaves on a tree. Sometimes a 3” gutter pipe is better than a 9” pipe if the flow is regulated through a strainer. Think about it. This strainer concept can do wonders for you. Why not fit one into your mind? I have done it.

7. Start enjoying whatever you do for your living. Just waking up and getting around to doing what has to be done each day can be stressful. Most of us are in this circle, from peon to president. True, the president’s circle may be bigger, but it’s still a circle.

What to do? My simple way, tried and tested again and again, is to start enjoying whatever you are doing. Repeat, start enjoying whatever you are doing. Each of us has an eternal desire to do challenging things, but unfortunately most of us don’t hear the knocks of opportunity because we are waiting to hear the “big bang.” But the fact is that many good chances knock very softly. In the meantime, we become stressful. Some of us hear the small knock and get going. We get busy, start liking what we are doing and stress disappears.

It’s like the chicken and egg story, where the chicken comes first, gets busy scratching and getting worms, and then starts laying the golden eggs–as simple as that. The other way round, when you have only an egg, what can you do but wait and wait and see–you get into a complaining and bitching situation. You become stressful. So become a chicken and get going an start scratching and scraping morning till evening and having lots of fun in between!

So get up, open the door, even if you don’t hear the knock and get busy and start liking whatever God gives you. Why not stand there and keep the door open and grab whatever opportunity comes in first? The Pygmalion effect, the self–fulfilling prophecy, will take over and your stress will disappear. In other words, even if you get “lemons” in life, don’t complain and bitch that others got Vat 69, Amul Butter, Kentucky Fried Chicken; you get busy with your lemons and start making lemonade and start selling. Sell, sell, sell, and when it starts selling like hotcakes–it will start selling one day–then you barter with Vat 69, Amul Butter, Kentucky Fried Chicken and Whatever else you need. That is it. Dear friends, there is no other way to reduce your stress.

8. Laughter kill stress. Man is a strange animal! Many of us enjoy inflicting self –wounds! How? Simple. We all know that laughter kills stress. We also know that there is nothing so cheap and easy to produce as laughter, but still we prefer to produce stress even though we know it is harmful to do so. Mind and body are very well connected. Mind can produce laughter or stress. We smile not because we are happy; we can be happy when we smile. Start whistling; you will make yourself happy. Make up your mind to laugh at your cares and worries and your stress will disappear. Laughter is nature’s greatest tonic. A good laugh shakes up the liver and immediately makes us feel better in every way.

How to laugh? Read funny books. Meet funny people. See funny films. Charlie Chaplin is a good place to start. Hear good jokes. Some of these jokes may produce a belly laugh and your stress will get reduced for that much time. Keep on doing, keep on trying, keep on laughing. In my own case, when I am with a few friends, talking of the past, stress has no chance to remain in my mind. Refuse to be in the company of men and women who do not laugh or cannot take a jest. Laughing is infectious. All this is sheer common sense. I agree. But then tell me, why don’t 86% of the people follow these simple ways to laugh?
9. Learn to say no and accept no. Managing stress is simple when you learn to say no. You will avoid several sorries and much mental strain. And also, accept no when others tell you even mildly!

Each one of us has a capacity to do a certain amount of work and this has to be kept in mind. Similarly, those with whom we interact–above and below–have different capacities. If we are to reduce our stress, we must keep this fact in our minds when accepting assignments or giving assignment to others. Let us not forget that we get stressful when we are not able to do the assigned jobs or when others to whom we have assigned jobs have not done what they agreed to do. In life, keep on the screen of your mind the concept of the chain–reaction. And to reduce stress in life, add cushions as well as doing your own calculations before your make commitments. All it requires is common sense. Add to it, keep on checking sensibly and don’t forget once you have given or taken a commitment.

Frankness may hurt in the beginning, but later it helps you to build your reputation. It reduces your stress. And reduces the stress of others.
Try for 180 days what has been said above. Relax. Think. Reflect. Yes, if necessary, do mid–course corrections. For example, when your boss says something you have the temptation to say yes because you don’t want to annoy or disappoint him. At other times you do not want to hurt the feelings of others because you are such a “nice guy”! Well, you must decide whether you want to be a “nice guy” or you want to be less stressful, and thus a nicer person.
Summing up Stress

Thus, stress is a powerful force, which can do much good or much harm. It is like a flowing river. When you tame it by putting bunds and dams, you are able to direct water to the places where you need it. This is good, but when the river remains untamed, it can cause havoc all around. So it is with stress.
Stress is also a mismatch between demands and the available resources to meet such demands. So, you can manage stress by reducing demands and increasing resources. It’s as simple as that!
When we cannot arrive at a balance between demands and resources our bodies react with the “fight or flight” response so basic in the animal world. When demands remain unfulfilled, the result is unproductive tension.
Stress is mental, i.e. it is always in your mind. Your mind is like an office where available resources have to be allocated to various needs. Stress starts in the head. Events don’t cause stress; how you interpret and react to them does. For example, if I can say to hell with it–kee farak painda–no stress!
Stress can be beneficial, like when the river is tamed. Many of us do our best work when under pressure, like this article has to be done before the deadline.
Stress can also be harmful. It hurts when it becomes a way of life. The accumulated effects of long term stress have been linked to heart disease, ulcers and cancer. Surely stress is a debit entry to our health’s Profit and Loss Account. Keep in mind that 75% of diseases are stress related.
Know your stressors:

l Getting angry or upset
l Emotions –negative or positive
l Accumulated small events
You can become a stress –resistant person. Many of us create stress for ourselves and others. To these people every job is a question of life and death. Every target date is a question of izzat (honour). Result: they become disease prone.

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