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START WITH YOURSELF
Pramod Batra
Change yourself before you change others.
I find this is the best one can say about change:
You can’t change anyone.
You can’t change your father,
Your mother, your wife,
Your brother, your sister,
Your son, your daughter –
Not even your boss!
Change yourself first.
I find it so true in my case. I tried to change everyone and was
disappointed. Then suddenly, possibly because I keep on thinking of
better ways to make myself happy first, I decided to change myself on
October 15, 1986, the day I touched 50. I realized that there was no
point in fighting with everyone and becoming stressful in the process.
I realized my folly of virtually trying to break my head in some
cases.
I decided to change myself. One does not have to be King Bruce, who
kept on trying; instead, one can be Peter F. Drucker who advises
trying once or twice and if it still does not work, doing something
else. There is no point in treating everything as a matter of life and
death.
Maybe I am wrong. But I find that by adopting this attitude, I have
been able to reduce my stresses, strains and heartaches to a
considerable extent.
I got another good idea from my good friend, Dr. Manmohan Singh Luthra.
He gave me this wonderful thought:
“God gant me serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.”
Years ago, I read in the Minneapolis Tribune that quite often we
change our jobs, friends and spouses instead of ourselves. Let us take
the case of changing jobs. Many of us are not happy in our jobs or our
businesses. It is because we do not change ourselves to suit the
requirements or our organisation, job and boss. In the process, we
feel cheated and become unhappy.
As I look at it, a boss is a person who gets things done with a kind
word and a gun. Normally bosses are good – only their styles are
different! The bigger the boss, better the gun – silver, gold or
diamond studded pistol. When I see this hidden pistol, I change myself
accordingly and reduce my stress. This concept is applicable to any
human-relations situation – the customer is always right, the
government officer is always right, the wife is always right, and so
on!
My wife changed when I changed. I have tried to change my wife for the
past 25 years – hoping like everyone else that will be able to change
her! Then one lucky day, I spent 25 minutes listening to my silence
and reflecting, and decided to change myself.
I realized that I could not change the world: I could not change my
bosses, my son, my daughters, my colleagues, my dealers, my friends;
so I decided to change myself and I have achieved what I wanted all
along…almost!
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