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The Indian Working Super - Mom

In India, all mothers are working mothers. But if a mother also happen to go to office or, run a business, then she is forced to become a super-mom.

To be a wife, mother and sometimes dutiful daughter-in–law is taxing. Added to that is the problem of the support systems - always falling short. Ever tried to grab a birthday present at 9 pm after work? Or find a plumber at 6 a.m.?

The demands of family life are usually stressful. Most working women confess that, once they reach office, the de-stressing that commences is noticeable. This is because, at home, there is always a need for multi-tasking, which can be extremely demanding. Cooking, wiping a kid’s tears, listening to your husband’s office woes for the day, fixing that button on your dress, helping with some homework. All this means that, your brain has to keep switching on and off from one task to another. This may result in tiredness or stress. Or sometimes, to mix ups, like putting salt instead of sugar in the dish, or may simply lead to a flood of unexplained tears.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. To be a super- mom is difficult. When Batman, Superman or Spiderman went to work they did not have to organize the grocery shopping or make it on time to the school PTA meetings. How to survive being a super- mom requires you to be a little more attentive to your human needs and a lot more forgiving about not being perfectly efficient.

Your work, both at home and at office, are equally important for your self development, improving your financials, improving the quality of your family lifestyle and even the national economy. Remind yourself of that every day!

To survive being a good super –mom, you have to give equal respect to all the things you do and make sure that there is a harmonious balance between home and office life.

Harmonious balance is about flexibility. However organized you are, you have to be prepared for new contingencies that throw your planning off balance. If you plan to wash the curtains over the weekend, and the kids suddenly want to go on a picnic, then the curtains can wait.

It is very important for you to prioritize.

And that does mean that you definitely need to be organized. Balancing home with office life requires you to take constant decisions on what your priorities are at the moment. If there is an emergency, like taking your sick kid to the doctor, then of course you can expect your routine to get haywire, but, if you have broad guidelines to regulate routine activities, then on most days you can be relaxed. For example, if your work life tends to be erratic on timings, it would make sense to cook dinner before leaving home. Or engage a cook. Or swap cooking duties with your husband.

Organization at home or at office is about delegation. Wherever possible, delegate. At home this means that mindsets have to be changed. Most Indians have been brought up in households where the role definition for men and women is clearly defined. When your career demands force you to switch roles with your spouse, it is often accompanied with a lot of social disapproval, personal confusion and often guilt.

In India the social order still exists, where, for the majority of married couples, men do the breadwinning, while women contribute to a supplemental support income. The kitchen work and childrearing remain mostly the woman’s territory. However, with changing times, such role demarcations are getting blurred.

Delegation at home is not just about asking your spouse or family members for help or support. It means defining new roles and responsibilities for them. The important thing here is a positive environment. If your husband’s office timings fit with the school bus timings, it makes sense for him to take on that responsibility. Or, if the kids can be persuaded (not forced) to tidy up their rooms everyday, that would further help in reducing your household chores. If your mother can baby-sit on Saturdays while you and your spouse are working then it becomes a relief you can count on.

Unless you can create a positive environment for the delegation of responsibilities, it cannot be supported over a period of time. It becomes essential for children to understand why they need to do certain boring or unpleasant chores around the house, or for your spouse to understand that he has to feel good about the household responsibilities. Nagging, yelling, complaining or even reminding family members about how they have to help you out, or how tired you get everyday is not a good idea.

With children, it becomes important give them a realistic idea about life. Otherwise, your kid may turn around and say “Sharad’s mummy does all the work and he never has to help. She is home early and never works on weekends. Why don’t you do that kind of a job?” It is not difficult to explain that Sharad’s mummy, who is a schoolteacher, has a different kind of job than the one you do as a CEO of your publishing house.

It is very important for every working woman to ask herself why she is a super mom. For many women who drive themselves to frenzy, it is often a compensation for deep rooted feelings of guilt.

Most married women with kids have serious guilt issues to contend with. The decision to leave your baby at home and push off for work is very difficult. Leaving a young child when you know how much you both need to be together is also not easy. Raising even older latchkey kids is worrisome. Working late while the family is home makes you uneasy. Finishing late on your child’s birthday is quite horrible. The guilt list goes on…

However, as working women, we have to understand that these are changing times. Most Indian women have been brought up with the conflict of home verses office. A man who tours twenty days a month does not have same nature of guilt as a woman who does the same in her job.

Many women who enjoy the luxury of choice, still choose to work There are also women who do not have the luxury of choice but are driven by financial considerations to take up jobs.

What is important is to treat your work with respect. Never refer to your work as small or unimportant. Even if you are not happy with your job or your company, always refer to your work contribution with dignity and pride.

Just because you are a busy working super-mom and wife, it does not mean that you neglect yourself. Leave your office work at office on most days, if you can. When you reach home, keep your mood relaxed and happy while you are with your family. You need the comforts of family life just like everyone else. Take time for grooming yourself so you know you are looking your best at all times. Relax, and enjoy some daily dose of de-stressing. Spend some time alone if you wish to.

The most important aspect of life that every super mom needs to develop is her relationship with her spouse. This is a lifelong effort. Unless there is a sharing and caring relationship that permeates into every aspect of life, be it the finances, the kitchen, the kids or the bedroom, a woman would be short-charged emotionally.

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