Jobnet Magazine Jokes
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An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings. He asked "How can you afford all this on a meager senator's salary?" The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window. "Can you see the river?" "Yes" "Can you see the bridge over it?"
"Of course", said the minister. "10 percent", said the senator smugly. Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian minister lavished all hospitality on him. More......
- Rajesh walked into an insurance office and asks for a job.
"We don't need anyone" the manager told him.
"You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anything to anyone,
anytime, anywhere!"
"Well we have two prospects that none of our agents has been able to
sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job." More......
- Three neighbors were discussing the proper position and attitude for
prayer. One said, "You should be on your knees with your head bowed in
reverence to the Almighty."
The second man spoke up and said, "Remember that you were created in
God's image. The position in which to pray is to stand up looking into
the heavens into the face of God and talk to Him as a child to his
father."
The third man spoke up and said, "I don't know about those positions,
but the finest praying I ever did was upside down in a well." More......
- A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on the road.
The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him
from car and offered him a drink from his hip flask, 'to steady his
nerves.'
The doctor accepted, had a swig or two, and handed the flask back to the
lawyer, who closed it and put it away.
"Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asked the doctor.
"Sure, after the police leave," replied the attorney. More......
- Two trucks loaded with a thousand copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided
as they left a New York publishing house last Thursday, according to
the Associated Press. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied . . More......
- A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray and said, “And what will your third wish be?”
The man looked at the genie and said, “Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven’t had a first or second wish yet?” More......
- The traveler knocked on the door of the house where a cabdriver had told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eyelevel panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted. “I want to get screwed,” said the man. “OK, mister, but this is a private club, so slip twenty bucks as an initiation fee through the mail slot,” answered the voice. The man did this, the panel was closed, and minutes passed. Nothing happened. He began to pound on the door insistently, and the panel slid open. “Hey,” exclaimed the sport, “I want to get screwed!”
“What?” said the voice, “Again?” More......
- “I just recently had my Visa card stolen. Right now it’s everywhere I want to be.”
The reporter returned from an interview with a famous politician.
Editor - “Well, what did he say?”
Reporter: “Nothing.”
Editor:” Well, keep it down to one column.” More......
- A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.
He wrote: would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night? More......
- A couple drove down several miles down a country road, not saying
a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a field full of pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, “Relatives of yours?” More......
- A small, 14-seat plane is circling for a landing in Atlanta. It’s totally fogged in, zero visibility, and suddenly there’s a small electrical fire in the cockpit which disables all of the instruments and the radio. The pilot continues circling, totally lost, when suddenly he finds himself flying next to a tall office building. More......
- A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of shoes, size 8.
The obviously well trained salesman says, “But sir, you take an 11 or eleven-and-a-half.” More......
- Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director’s office. “What is the meaning of this?” the director asked. “When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. More......
- One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, KerPlop!, right on his twitchy little nose. “Oh, please excuse me!” said the bunny. “I didn’t mean to trip over you, but I’m blind and can’t see.” More......
- What do they call French Toilet in Bihar ?
La loo More......
- Rich Cook: “Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.” More......
- A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“I’m a chiropractor, and I’m just keeping in practice while I’m waiting in line.”
“Well, I’m a lawyer, but you don’t see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?” More......
- A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.
The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93.
When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium. More......
- A Manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing a potential employee’s application and notices that the man has never worked in retail before. He says to the man, “For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high wage.”
“Well Sir,” the applicant replies, “the work is so much harder when you don’t know what you’re doing!” More......
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