|
|
|
There was an American man that had a meeting in France. He met
a woman and that night they had their own meeting. While they were where having sex, she
was yelling, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX." He did not know what that meant, but assumed
it to be some sort of praise.
The next day, he went to play golf with the men he had the meeting with. One of them made
a hole in one. He yelled, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX !"
They looked at him and said, "what do you mean wrong hole?"
A man was on trial for selling drugs and a neighbor was
called as a witness.
The defense attorney asked, "Did you ever get any cocaine or other drugs from the
defendant?"
"No sir," answered the man.
"Did you ever get any from his wife?"
"No sir."
"Did you ever get any from his daughters?"
"Uh - excuse me sir," the witness said, "but we’re still talking about
drugs here, right?"
Why are sardar secret agents the best in the world?
Because even under torture they can’t remember what they have been assigned to.
A sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so he
picks it up and says " Hello, how did you know I was here?"
Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi.
Mother and Son were on a Jetairways flight from Delhi to
Mumbai.
The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If
dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don’t planes have baby planes?"
The mother (who couldn’t think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant.
So the boy dutifully asked the stewardess, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby
cats, why don’t planes have baby planes?
" The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me
that?" The little boy admitted that she did.
"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Jetairways always
pulls out on time.
Now, let your mother explain that to you."
Sign in a restroom:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
Sign in a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
A business man packing for a trip glances in his briefcase.
"Honey?"
"Yes, darling?"
"Honey," he says, in mild exasperation, "why do you persist in putting a
condom in my briefcase every time I go on a trip? You know I only have eyes for you. I’d
never be unfaithful."
"Oh, I know, darling, and I trust you," she replies sweetly, "It’s just
that, well you know, with all those terrible diseases out there, it would make me feel
better to know that if anything did happen, you’d be protected. So please, darling, take
it with you, won’t you? For my sake?"
"Oh, alright, if you put it that way," he relented, "I’ll do it for you.
But for Pete’s sake, give me more than one!"
A blonde was recently hired at the office. Her first task
was to go out and get coffee for everyone. Eager to prove her worth to her new bosses, she
grabbed a large thermos and hurried to the nearby coffee shop. She held up the thermos so
that the counterman could view it and she asked, "Is this big enough to hold six cups
of coffee?"
The counterman looked at the thermos and replied, "Yes. It looks like about six cups
to me."
"Oh good!", the blonde sighed in relief, "Give me three regular, one black,
and two decaf."
Some Bushisms or, English as she is spoken by George Bush
# "The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."
# "If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure."
# "The future will be better tomorrow."
# "A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
# "Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
# "It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment, It’s the impurities in
our air and water that are doing it."
# "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop
thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
Four doctors who hadn’t seen each other since their
surgical residencies met at a medical seminar. Adjourning for dinner and drinks, they
turned their conversation to who makes the best surgical patients:
The first said, for sure, electrical engineers. "You open ‘em up," he
contended, "and everything is color-coded."
"Nah," said the second. "It’s librarians. You open ‘em up and
everything is alphabetized."
The third scoffed. "Of course not," he said. "It’s accountants. You open
‘em up and everything is numbered."
"Lawyers," said the fourth, with a shake of his head. "It’s lawyers, you
idiots! No heart, no guts, no spine, and the ass and the brain are interchangeable."
|
|
