The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and Delhi Police are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The UN decides to give them a test. They release a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The LAPD goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The Delhi Police goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!"

A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?"
"No," says the cop.
"What about all these other cars?"
"They didn’t ask!"

A software manager, a hardware manager, and a marketing manager are driving to a meeting when a tire blows. They get out of the car and look at the problem.
The software manager says, "I can’t do anything about this - it’s a hardware problem."
The hardware manager says, "Maybe if we turned the car off and on again, it would fix itself."
The marketing manager says, "Hey, 75% of it is working - let’s sell it!"

One of life’s disappointments is discovering that the man who writes the bank’s ads is not the one who makes the loans.
Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers.
A man had a Siamese cat that howled all night, every night. The sleepless man concluded that the cat has too much testosterone and took him to the vet to be castrated. To the great surprise of the man and all his neighbors, the cat continued howling.
"Why are you doing it now?" they asked the cat.
"Now I am a consultant."

Personnel Manager: "Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
Applicant: "I ought to be able to. I’ve had ten different jobs in four months."

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following; "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."
"You foul-mouthed swine," yelled the lady indignantly. "In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the Italian. "Imma just tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi."

A Chinaman arranges for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go at it. When finished, the Chinaman jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and commences a repeat performance.
The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When finished, the Chinaman jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and starts again.
The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times.
During the fifth encore, she decides to try it herself. So when they are done she jumps up, goes to the window and takes a deep breath of fresh air, dives under the bed... and finds four Chinaman.

"So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the defendant, "you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man."
"That’s correct," says the defendant. "Upon which," continues the prosecutor, "you take out a pistol and shoot your wife, killing her."
"That’s correct," says the defendant.
"Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?" asked the prosecutor.
"It seemed easier," replied the defendant, "than shooting a different man every day!"