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A young woman in Toronto was so depressed that she decided to end her
life by throwing herself into Lake Ontario. She went down to the docks and was about to
leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of
the pier, crying.
He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I’m off to
Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take good
care of you and bring you food every day."
Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I’ll keep you
happy, and you’ll keep me happy."
The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe
would give her life new meaning. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in
a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches, some bottled water
and a piece of fruit, and they had passionate sex until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.
What are you doing here?" the captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food
and a trip to Europe, and he’s screwing me."
"He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Toronto Island
Ferry".
A group of Managers were given the assignment to measure the height of
flagpole. So the Managers go out to the flagpole with ladder and tape measures. They’re
falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures the whole thing is just a mess. An
Engineer comes along and sees what they’re trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole
out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one
of the managers and walks away.
After the Engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs. "Isn’t that
just like an engineer! We’re looking for height and he gives the length!"
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding
down Main Street.
"But officer," the man began, "I can explain".
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I’m going to let you cool your
heels in jail until the chief gets back.
"But officer, I just wanted to say...."
"I said keep quiet! You’re going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you the
chief is at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don’t count on it," answered the fellow, "I’m the groom."
A Red Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket
of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee." The
waiter says, "Sure chief, comin’ right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of
coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws
it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of
buffalo manure in the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me
want coffee." The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We’re still cleaning up your mess
from yesterday. What the heck was all that about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me training for upper management position: Come
in, drink coffee, shoot some crap, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest
of day."
A DEAN was speaking to the students regarding rules of the college:
"If any of the guys enter the gals’ hostel
Rs.100 fine for the first time
Rs.200 fine for the 2nd time
Rs.500 fine for the 3rd time."
Itne me Munnabhai ne poocha
"Monthly Pass ka kitna lagega Mamu?"
It seems that a young couple had just gotten married, and spent their
wedding night with the young man’s parents.
In the morning the mother got up and prepared a lovely breakfast, went to the bottom of
the stairs and called for them to come down to eat. After a long wait the family ate
without the newlyweds. His mother said, "I wonder why they never came down to
eat."
The groom’s young brother said "Mommy, I think..."
"Oh shut up, I don’t want to hear what you think!" said the mother, not
wanting to hear any inappropriate comments from the younger brother.
At lunch time the mother again prepared a wonderful meal, and again called the young
couple to eat. After another long wait the family proceeded to eat, and after the meal was
completed the mother once again said, "I wonder why they never came down to
eat?" Once again the younger brother started to speak, but was silenced by his
mother.
At dinner time once again the mother cooked a very elaborate meal, had the table set
perfect and called the newlyweds to join the family for dinner. After another long wait,
the mother once again questioned why they had not come downstairs all day.
The young lad once again said "Mommy I think..."
"Well, what is it that you think?!?" asked his mother, rather irritated.
"I think that when my big brother came down to get the Vaseline last night, he got my
model plane glue instead."
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start! |
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