Jokes- Issue 79
An Indian politician went
to the US to visit his counterpart. When the senator invited him home
for dinner, the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion,
grounds and the costly furnishings. He asked "How can you afford all
this on a meager senator's salary?" The sentaor smiled knowingly and
took him to the window. "Can you see the river?" "Yes" "Can you
see the bridge over it?"
"Of course", said the minister. "10 percent", said the senator smugly.
Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian
minister lavished all hospitality on him.
When they came to his house, the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc etc. "How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Indian Rupees", he asked. The minister called him to the window. "See the river over there?" "Sure", cried the senator. "Can you see the bridge over it?" The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said "No, I don't see any bridge." "100 percent", said the minister !!
The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books. Ravi came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss Bakshi, I ain't got no crayons." "Ravi," Miss Bakshi said, "you mean, "I don't have any crayons.' You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons. They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?" "Not really," Ravi said, "What happened to all them crayons?"
Once upon a time there was
a shepherd looking after his sheep on the edge of a deserted road.
Suddenly a brand new Cherokee screeches to a halt next to him.
The driver, a young man dressed in a Brioni suit, Cerrutti shoes,
Ray-Ban glasses and a YSL tie gets out and asks the shepherd: "If I
guess how many sheep you do have, will you give me one of them ?" The
shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the grazing sheep and
says: "All right." The young man parks the car, connects the notebook
and the mobile, enters a NASA site, scans the ground using his GPS,
opens a data base and 60 MS-Excel tables filled with algorithms, then
prints a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer. He then
turns to the shepherd and says: "You have exactly 1586 sheep there."
The shepherd answers: "That's correct, you can have your sheep." The
young man takes the sheep and puts in the back of his jeep. The
shepherd looks at him and asks: "Now, if I guess your profession, will
you return my sheep to me ?" The young man answers: "Yes, why not ?"
The shepherd says: "You are a Consultant !"How did you know ? Asks the
young man. The shepherd says: "Very simple. First, you come here
without being called. Second, you charge me a sheep to tell me
something I already knew. Third, you do not understand anything about
what I do, because you took my dog."
A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says. The two Englishmen just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response, "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. the Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first Englishman turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language...." "Why?" says the other, "That bloke knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."
The nuns at the local
convent had their daily announcement session. The mother superior
walked out in front of the 100 nuns with a very serious frown on her
face. She began to speak...Mother Superior: There had been a sinful
deed committed here yesterday. 99 nuns: Oh, no! 1 nun: Hee,
hee, hee. Mother Superior: Today I found a pair a men's
underwear. 99 nuns: Oh, no! 1 nun: Hee, hee, hee. Mother
Superior: And I also found a condom. 99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee. Mother Superior: And it has been used! 99 nuns:
Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee. Mother Superior: And there was a hole in it! 1
nun: Oh, No! 99 nuns: Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee!...
A doctor answers his
phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of
the line. "We need a fourth for poker," said the friend. "I'll be
right over," whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his
wife asked, "Is it serious?" "Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor
gravely. "In fact, there are
three doctors there already!"
Two campers were hiking in the forest when all of a sudden a bear jumps out of a bush and starts chasing them. Both campers start running for their lives, when one of them stops and starts to put on his running shoes. His partner says, "What are you doing? You can't outrun a bear!" His friend replies, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you!".
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